I just wanted to let you all know that I am pretty frazzled right now with the happenings of this week and so is my husband. He's had to work, I got to stay home and have just kind of have been emotionally exhausted. What has happened proves we have no control over our lives.
On Mondays I go to a DBSA meeting. Even though I am pretty much in a remission state with the right medications I go to support others as I was supported when I was coming out of my depression. On Monday a new member was there and he said he had a gun in his mouth the night before. He said he did not pull the trigger because his ammunition was bad and if he had to pull the trigger again he did not know what he would do. He said that the earlier that day he went to buy ammunition. I asked him if he was going to try it again. He said ha did not know. The older members in the group just looked at each other and I asked him if he would be willing to go to a safe place to help him. He said yes make a long story short we decided it would be best for me and my husband to take him. I have done several placements before and knew the routine. He stayed and we all felt good. We saved a life.
On Thursday at around 6:00 p.m. Michael got home and he held me a little longer than usual and he looks me in the eyes and said your good friend's brother killed himself and they just found his body in the Laguna. He jumped off an 87 foot bridge into 22 feet of water. I just cried and contacted my friend. He did not drown the impact into the water shattered his bodies. There are complex details, I'd rather not talk about. Like how he got to the bridge, suicide note etc... We saved on person only to lose another and I keep telling myself it is not fair. It's just not fair. I want to get back to the polish room and start working but I have to take into consideration my husband. Today we went and spent time with the man's life we saved. I don't know if I will attend the memorial service back in Brownsville but we might be able to meet with my friend if she has a layover in Houston. I only have good memories of her brother and that is what I am keeping in my heart and praying for my dearest friend. I know how much it hurts when someone you love and care for. For me, I lost my fiancé to suicide, I've lost a couple of family members and friends that I cannot count on just one hand. The loss of a loved one I think is the hardest loss to live through. I don't want to lose anyone else to suicide. I just want to tell you of one sign, they say or tell someone they are going to do it. Never take a threat as, it's nothing. Consider any threat or attempt seriously. There are many websites with numbers in your area to call if you know of someone who has made an attempt or keeps saying they feel like killing themselves. Get them help. Please, just get them help
I can't even say bye because that sounds so final. So, I am just going to say.
I'll be around come Monday.
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